Why I'm not watching The Snyder Cut (2021)

 (SPOILER WARNING!!... maybe)

Back in 2017 after the release of "Justice League", many DC fanboys were crying out that the version that we got in theatre, which had been taken over by alleged abuser Joss Whedon, did not live up to expectations in regards to what the title and premise promised. By now, it's common knowledge that most people were not fans of the film, especially with how it was pretty obvious that Warner Bros/DC had interfered and overstepped during the production to the point of of demanding needless reshoots and virtually rewriting the entire script, which came off as disingenuous with later knowledge that Zack Snyder had left the project once filming had wrapped to cope with the loss of his daughter Autumn, who had tragically taken her own life circa March of 2017.

But with or without knowledge of the behind-the-scenes meddling, many were demanding that Zack be given another chance to create the version of the story that HE wanted to tell, rallying behind the Twitter hashtag #ReleaseTheSnyderCut. I will freely admit that when I first heard of this, I openly scoffed at the idea. I neither liked or hated "Justice League" due to lower expectations, even when I was fully aware of what made the film a cinematic mess. But I vocally refused to believe that either Warner Bros or DC would risk making another version of the film, as whatever they did could potentially make the end product worse than its predecessor. It happened with the "Ultimate Edition" of BvS (which I still say is worse than the theatrical cut), so I was fully expecting that to happen to "Justice League".

But lo and behold. Not only did they get Zack Snyder back to put together his version of the movie; not only were they giving him the full creative freedom that they took away after filming wrapped on the first version; and not only was it actually finished and put on HBO Max; but as of writing this, people with HBO Max who had seen it are thoroughly enjoying it, with many calling it an improvement over the original and exactly what they thought they were going to get in the first place. I am happy that they are enjoying it, and that their vocal support for Zack to release his own version had paid off. And if those reading this had seen and enjoyed it, good for you.

Now with that out of the way, please allow me list the reasons why I likely will never see it.

1. I live in the UK.

This is probably the simplest reason. I'm from England, and right now HBO Max is not available to us lot, so I wouldn't be able to watch it anyways. I know some friends over here who MIGHT be able to watch it by other means, but it's down to them if they want to watch it. If they do, more power to them. If not, then I could care less.

That's about it for this part. I can't watch it coz I'm Bri'ish, init?

2. The visual style.

One thing that I wan to make clear is that I don't hate Zack Snyder. A few dumb comments about his own movies and comic books aside, Zach seems like a legitimately nice guy. He's clearly passionate about the general art of filmmaking, and he's apparently pretty amiable if the word of the actors are to be believed. If nothing else, I can at least say that he clearly puts a lot of effort into his work.

But I've never understood the appeal of his style of direction, which normally leads to me not enjoying a lot of what he produces. This is not helped by how, more often than not in my opinion, he tends to focus on style over substance, and this in turn has lead to visually bold films with messy or derivative narratives and themes. The only real exceptions I can name are "300", which was already an excessive and overly dramatic work of fiction as a graphic novel written by Frank "Goddamn Batman" Miller, and "Watchmen", which I can personally credit to how it was a faithful retelling of the graphic novel in spite of a stupid ending that removes the weight and ambiguity of the source material. Otherwise, I end up not liking a lot of his movies due to the visual style being very monochromatic and lifeless, with most of the colour palette being either dark greys or garish browns. Add in the excessive amount of slow motion and the camera never being held still so that we can actually appreciate the cinematography, and you a method of filmmaking that simply doesn't appeal to me.

And with the first trailer of the Snyder Cut, I could tell that this would be the most that Zack Snyder had ever Synder'd. The visual style was exactly as I described, with a bleak tone telling of the end of the world and the characters being edgelord level serious and stoic. The main villain was given away in the very first shot of the trailer (and looked terrible, incidentally) and we were greeted to the second use of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" in a Zack Snyder project, which I think made us laugh moreso than it made us cry. It would've been the funniest thing I had ever seen if it weren't for the fact that I don't like the visual style.

3. I'm done with DC movies.

A lot of the problems I've had with a lot of the DCEU movies can easily be pinpointed to one singular source: DC themselves. For the longest time, I could tell that most of the narrative or character choices for the films was a direct result of DC meddling with their own projects. As much as I don't enjoy Zack's visual style, I don't blame him for how "Man Of Steel" made Superman, the ultimate symbol of hope in the DC Universe, into a joyless robot who meanders around until an artificial conflict reveals itself. It wasn't Zack's fault nor was it Henry Cavill's fault; DC was clearly pushing for a dark and gritty retelling of one of the kindest and most compassionate superheroes of all time. And sadly, this kind of tonal disconnect from the character is the only real consistent element with "Batman V Superman", as well as parts of "Suicide Squad". Most of the characters are joyless, passionless entities with no real motivations or end goals beyond just dressing up in costumes and waiting for supervillains to turn up, which is literally true in the case of the plot to "Suicide Squad".

And it's because of this disconnect that I've begun to distance myself from DC's movies, even with the course correction that was shown in "Wonder Woman", "Aquaman" and "Shazam". As much as I enjoy those films, it was clear to me that they were still examples of DC having to do some serious damage control with how their other films had been miserable experiences at the cinema for those of us who simply want to see someone become a superhero and inspire hope in people.

As much as I don't want to compare them, it feels kind of inevitable that I discuss how DC handled their films versus how Marvel handles their films. With Marvel, they take the time to fully establish the characters and their universe, while also littering small hints throughout the important ones to other characters or possible threats that set-up the literal endgame to the ongoing storyline. Whereas with DC, I felt like they rushed doing Superman's origin story before jumping straight into the big crossover event that featured Batman, Wonder Woman, the "Death of Superman" storyline, the "Dark Knight Returns" storyline, and cameos from other Justice League members (and one Teen Titan) to hype up the next time we would see them all in the same film. They basically blew their load on the appeal of seeing these iconic characters together far too early, thus taking away the appeal of a "Justice League" movie. It's not Marvel started with "Iron Man" and then jumped straight into "Infinity War"; they took their time and give us the chance to enjoy the characters.

So it's primarily because of DC's constant interference with these movies that I've chosen to go cold turkey with their projects, and focused instead on watching the Disney + Marvel shows with "Falcon and The Winter Soldier" starting tomorrow as of writing this. And with the exception of Matt Reeve's "The Batman" and James Gunn's "The Suicide Squad", I honestly could care less about what DC is pushing out as none of it really grabs me and I constantly fear that they'll screw it up one way or the other. Call me a cynic if you want, but that's just what the execs at DC have unintentionally done to me.

4. Overexposure.

In spite of all of my rambling, a big reason for not watching the Snyder Cut has to do with the fact that I simply do not care. Almost every time I've checked out my Twitter feed in the past day or so, I've found someone talking about the Snyder Cut and how much they enjoyed it, or it'll show someone asking if their friends enjoyed it, or it'll even ask if any of us will bother seeing it at all. And because of this constant exposure to something that I genuinely could not give two shits about, I found myself wanting to see it less and less.

Once again, to reiterate; I'm glad people are enjoying it. I'm happy that the viewers are engaging with it and finding a version of the movie that satisfies their need for a massive superhero film that isn't owned by Marvel or Disney. More power to those people if they enjoy it.

But I'm sick to death of hearing about this bloody movie almost every time I go on Twitter. It's the same thing that happened when "Wonder Woman 1984" came out. I hadn't seen it, but people constantly talking about it and whether or not it's even good basically pushed me to never see it, even when it comes out on DVD. This isn't something that should happen for someone whose main hobby revolves around talking about movies and what they mean to me.

Conclusion.

If I must state this again. there is nothing wrong with you enjoying this movie if you had seen it. I fully encourage those to share their opinion of this movie while remaining open to what other people speak.

So please remain open when I say that my prior experience with this series of films has made me unwilling to check out the Snyder Cut of "Justice League", especially with further prior experience with seeing people go crazy over the idea of disliking or not seeing a DC movie. I really do hope that it IS good, or even better than the theatrical cut. I may even one day convince myself to devote an entire afternoon to sitting down and watching all four hours of it if it ever comes out on DVD. But as of right now, as someone will enjoys superhero movies and as a major film geek, I can't bring myself to even seek this out on torrents or seeing if someone has pirated it. I just don't have it in me to care about this project right now, especially with other shows and movies currently on my "to-watch" list.

But I think I've said my piece enough as it is. If you liked what you've read, please be sure to share this on social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc), and leave a comment letting me know how you feel about the Snyder Cut. If you want to see my regular nerdy bullocks, be sure to follow me on Twitter; my handle is @MediaHood23. I'm also on Instagram, so check me out there; again, @mediahood23. And last but not least, I'd appreciate it if you subscribe to my YouTube channel "Media Hood Reviews". I'm becoming more active on video production, so any support at all is welcome.

But until next time, because there always will be one; this is Callum Lewis, the Media Hood, signing off!

Age Of Extinction Rewrite Part 2: The Villain Changes

 (SPOILER WARNING!! (kind of))

Welcome to part two of my rewrite of "Age Of Extinction". Here's part one if you need a refresh. Now that I've gone over my changes to the human cast and the Autobots, I think that it's fair that I start with the villains.

In the original film, we had the bounty hunter Lockdown, who was working with the humans to hunt down Optimus Prime in exchange for the Seed that turns entire cities into "transformium" (which is the dumbest name for a fictional element I have ever heard). In concept, I have nothing wrong with Lockdown as the main antagonist; he originally appeared in "Transformers: Animated" as a breakout character and most of the traits associated with him are carried through to the movie. My problem, however, is that the alliance he has with the humans is not interesting, as it basically robs him of any agency as the main robot antagonist.

As for Galvatron, he was pretty much completely wasted. He appears once or twice throughout the film before he suddenly just takes over KSI's surplus of drones and wants the Seed because he's evil. And just like what happened with Megatron in the previous films, he's completely brushed off to the side by literally everything else going on as to focus on the humans instead of the title characters. It wasn't even worth it having Frank Welker reprise the role as so little was actually done with him.

As such, after much consideration, I've decided to excise both Lockdown and Galvatron from the rewrite. Both of these characters deserve much more respect than what was shown in the film, as there isn't really enough room for both. We can just save them for future movies; Galvatron, as far as I'm concerned, should be saved for a story involving Unicron, whilst Lockdown can be a self-serving antagonist in a different story.

Still, do you remember how I said that the info that Blackrock uses to create the Dinobots came primarily from Sentinel's head with Starscream as a secondary source? This is where that comes into play as we ask a big question for this rewrite:

Who are the villains?

Something that has been sorely missing from these films is any sense of personality for the Decepticons. There are a few standouts, of course; Starscream being a snivelling coward and Soundwave being a merciless manipulator come to mind. But aside from that, most of them are either slobbering monsters or generic cannon fodder. The Decepticons in other Transformers stories usually have larger personalities than the Autobots, so we really could've done with a group of Decepticons who can be a challenging threat to the Autobots while having distinct identities.

As brought up before, Blackrock primarily created the Dinobots to be marketed towards the public; dinosaurs are super popular, so making a group of robots based on dinosaurs makes the most sense for popularity. But as I also established, Blackrock's company also has contracts with the military, thus mainly created drones that are more utilitarian in design and function. With Chumley being a CIA operative in my rewrite, most of his backing goes to these military drones so that they can be used to hunt down other Transformers. Blackrock has five prototype drones that transform into some type of military vehicle; the line-up includes a surface-to-air missile truck, an Apache helicopter, a fighter jet, an Abrams tank, and a standard military Humvee. Because of Chumley having a say in what they would be called, these drones are filed under "Project: Combatrons".

And instantly, this should tip off any Transformers fan as to who the villains are. I think the perfect antagonists to have for this movie should've been one of the original Decepticon sub-groups:

The Combaticons.

For those reading who have no idea who these guys are; the Combaticons debuted in the original cartoon series episode "Starscream's Brigade". After another failed attempt at leadership, Starscream ended up abandoned on an island that just happened to have a bunch of scrapped military vehicles, inspiring the traitor to create his own team of Decepticons, which he named the Combaticons, to take leadership from Megatron. It naturally backfired, but the Combaticons were eventually seized by Megatron after they tried tossing the Earth into the sun using a Space Bridge.

The group normally consists of these five characters:

Onslaught, team leader and tactician. He has a near unrivalled strategic mind, which is a contrast to how much of an easily offended perfectionist he is. The instant that his plans go wrong or someone on his team is not doing as ordered, he gets infuriated, which in turn makes him a tougher enemy to deal with.

Vortex, interrogator. He is a sociopath and a sadist, taking pleasure in seeing the people he tortures suffer before killing them once he has the information he's looking for. As far as he's concerned, everything exists to satisfy his own twisted needs.

Blast Off, surveillance and aerial combatant. He has a very high opinion of himself, looking down on literally everyone, even those on his own team. Otherwise, he tends to be apathetic to anyone who tries to bring him down to Earth (so to speak) and likes doing things by choice, as opposed to command.

He'll also be a fighter jet in this rewrite instead of a shuttle to fit into the military aesthetic of the Combaticons.

Brawl, heavy combat specialist. He's loud, violent, and stupid. The gears in his head may not all be in the right spot, but he is certainly a proficient fighter. All Onslaught has to do is point him in the right direction and Brawl will leave a trail of destruction in his path

Also; yes, I know that he was killed in the first movie. But we kept seeing his character model used in the other movies, so him coming back in my rewrite isn't a stretch. Besides, this can be addressed in the film by Blackrock saying that the board of directors really liked the name "Brawl" for the robot that turns into a tank, so that's the name they went with.

Swindle, munitions expert. As the name implies, he can't be trusted by anyone. If he wanted to, he could probably sell his teammates motherboards for a profit. And yet, despite his opportunistic nature, he has the charismatic silver tongue to trick anybody into buying the cheapest gear for the highest price.

I think having the Combaticons would make a good change of pace for the antagonists. Firstly, each one has their own distinct personality; I know I harp on this a lot in this rewrite, but one of the reasons that people enjoy the franchise so much is because the characters have unique identities that you wouldn't mistake for anyone else. You aren't exactly going to confuse the loud and destructive Brawl with the sly, cunning Swindle, are you? Secondly, this creates more visual variety; in almost every single film, the Decepticons are just big grey monsters who blow stuff up. If every Decepticon was like that in the original cartoon or any other incarnation, it's going to make the product go stale in the short run. It's one of the reasons why I appreciate Shatter and Dropkick as the main villains of "Bumblebee"; they are visually distinctive from each other as well as every other main antagonist in the movies.

As for the third reason, this also allows to build a rivalry between the Combaticons and the Dinobots. Unlike the Dinobots, who have a limited A.I to make them easier to control before they develop their own sentience in a manner similar to Robert Di Niro as Frankenstein's monster, the Combaticons are given military grade A.I as to make them more sophisticated. As part of their scheme, Onslaught can have Swindle trick the Dinobots into thinking that they don't belong or that the humans just see them as tools. Here's an exchange I've written between Swindle and Grimlock to give an idea:

S: If you ask me, Grim, these humans really deserve bots like you.

G: What you, Swindle, saying?

S: Better face facts, pal; this Blackrock guy, he's a businessman. And the main concern on ANY businessman's mind is how to use whatever asset they have to make a profit; they exploit anything they see to get higher in the proverbial food-chain.

G: You think him, Blackrock, is using Dinobots? But why? Blackrock nice to us, him give us Dinobots life.

S: Oh sure, it seems like he cares; but I know better, Grimlock. Blackrock, Chumley, those other humans? They talk smack about you behind your backs. They think you're just tools to be used. And the second a tool isn't useful to them, they throw it away for another one. They did it to the Autobots; they'll do it to you, next.

This, as a result, causes Grimlock to lose his cool and distrust the humans, and the Dinobots are loyal to Grimlock so they'll follow him when they break out. This break out can show Grimlock being hostile towards Blackrock, thinking that he sees his creations as just pawns on a chess board, and the inevitable escape will show the defence systems at the facility being completely destroyed. Onslaught, who is pretending to be in stasis lock (essentially a robot equivalent to a medically induced coma), will look on with intrigue, and we can then cut to his perspective as he then brings up a file named "Project: Scramble", which he was able to download from Blackrock's files thanks to the Dinobots providing the ample distraction needed. It was Onslaught who ordered Swindle to lie to Grimlock about Blackrock's intentions, as he had overheard Blackrock talking to his scientists about a secret project that Chumley had requested be made specifically for the Combaticons.

And for anyone familiar with the basic concept of "scramble" in the Transformers mythos, you probably have an idea of what exactly that secret project is. But this will be revealed another time.

Firstly, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read both this and the first part of this rewrite. I apologise that it took so long, but I wanted to make sure that I had a clear idea of what direction I was taking it in. Secondly, I think I'll be able to wrap up this rewrite in at least two more parts, as I'm already working on what will happen. Those will probably be the longest of the parts primarily because that's where I'll delve more into how the story progresses, so please look forward to that.

But once again, thank you for reading. If you enjoyed, I would appreciate it if you shared this on social media; such as Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. Speaking of, I'd also appreciate it if you follow me on Twitter; my handle is @MediaHood23. I've also made an Instagram account in-between the rewrites, so be sure to check me out on there as well; once again, the account is @mediahood23. And I'm also getting back into the groove of making videos, so be sure to check out Media Hood Reviews on YouTube. Maybe leave a like on the videos, or subscribe if you so wish. And of course, leave a comment on this post letting me know what you thought of the rewrite thus far; any and all feedback from you guys gives me more incentive to keep going with these as well as my reviews.

But until next time; this is Callum Lewis, the Media Hood, signing off!

(special credit to Simon Wong for the fan art on the Combaticons; his Twitter handle is @SimonWongArt and his Instagram account is @sw_illustration_)

Age Of Extinction Rewrite Part 1: The Cast Changes

 (SPOILER WARNING!! (kind of))

While I retain the opinion that these films have not withstood the test of time, an argument could be made for the fourth film, "Age Of Extinction", as the most tolerable one. That's not to say it's a good movie, as there is plenty wrong with it; the editing is all over the place, the pacing is terrible, Shane was an awful character, Galvatron was virtually a non-entity, and the Dinobots are completely deprived of any personality while existing solely for the sake of action scenes.

With that said, there are elements of the film that I feel still hold up to this day; the acting across the board was solid (especially Stanley Tucci and Kelsey Grammer), the effects were still top notch, most of the human characters were much more likeable than in the previous films, Lockdown was a good villain, the new Autobots had a lot of charm, and it introduced concepts that hadn't really been explored in the Transformers films before that point. The most notable example being how human beings react to the presence of the Transformers and how the war had affected the lives of everyone on the planet. If the film had coalesced on that theme and explored it through both the humans and the Autobots perspective, then the critical reception to it wouldn't have been so vitriolic.

But of course, I'm not here to talk about what we eventually got as the finished product; I'm here to bring my version of the story to light.

Here are a few rules that I set for myself going into this rewrite:

1. This can not be following on from my rewrite of "Dark Of The Moon". As proud as I am for doing that rewrite, I can't treat that as the canon version of the films; I have to create a new version of "Age Of Extinction" following the events of the previous films proper without an abundance of retcons.

2. I must keep the general concepts and themes of the original version of the film consistent with my rewrite. As I stated earlier, the general theme of humanity fearing the Transformers because of their war as well as using their technology to defend themselves from alien threats is a fascinating one. My rewrite will moreso focus on those themes than the film did.

3. I have to provide the reasons for my changes in the rewrite without treating the original writers as idiots. As much as I may want to, I need to avoid constantly insulting the original writer for "Age Of Extinction", Ehren Krueger, for the choices he made with the script. I will criticise those choices, but that isn't the same thing as deriding the person who was simply doing his job as a writer.

With those rules out of the way, let's begin with some of the smaller changes I'm making to the story:

1. The Human Cast:

Starting off with the humans, some of the cast will remain mostly the same. Cade Yeager will still be a down-on-his-luck farmer, with Tessa as his daughter as they live in serious debt. The only change I'd make to Cade is that he'll be a self-taught engineer instead of an inventor. He can still find abandoned pieces of tech (hence how he finds Optimus in his truck mode), but he mostly does commission work from people who need their equipment fixed. Tessa will also remain mostly the same, but I'd take out the interactions between her and Cade that specifically draw attention to her wardrobe; she'll mainly be wearing dungarees and t-shirts instead of dresses and short shorts.

Otherwise we'll still have Kelsey Grammer as the main antagonist, Titus Welliver as his primary henchman/enforcer, and Stanley Tucci as the eccentric CEO of a lucrative business. But the first change I'm making with the villains is that the CEO of the business shown in the story won't be called Joshua Joyce; he'll instead be another character called G.B Blackrock.

For those unfamiliar, Blackrock is a human ally to the Autobots from the original Marvel run of the Transformers comics. He's the owner of Blackrock Enterprises, a multi-platform conglomerate that primarily focuses on technological advancements. This may seem like a small change, but it actually factors a lot into his characterisation. On the surface, Joyce and Blackrock are seemingly the same; eccentric businessmen who focus mainly on advancing technology. The difference, however, is that Joyce mainly focuses on the aspect of technology being what's necessary for the company to thrive, whereas Blackrock is moreso concerned about the wellbeing of the people who work for him. In the original comics, an employee of his named Josie Beller (who would later become the villain Circuit Breaker) was left hospitalised after a Decepticon attack and the event actually traumatised Blackrock for a while. This will pretty much be his characterisation for the film; he's not selfish or anything, just overly ambitious to use Cybertronian technology as a means of helping mankind. He doesn't hate the Transformers, but sees an opportunity to help people as much as he can.

As for Titus Welliver, I feel like casting him as a mercenary henchman was really a good choice as the guy can be really intimidating. But I want him to be a legacy character from somewhere in the Transformers franchise; as such, I've decided on a character called Leland Bishop, A.K.A Silas.

Silas is a relatively new character in the Transformers mythos, specifically from "Transformers: Prime"; he was the leader of the terrorist organisation called M.E.C.H, who would frequently encounter the Transformers during their war to try and create their own weapons using Cybertronian technology. As such, with Titus now playing Silas instead of James Savoy, the organisation hunting down Transformers, Cemetery Wind, will be replaced by M.E.C.H with Silas working directly under Kelsey Grammer's character. It honestly makes more sense to do that instead of simply disbanding N.E.S.T and suddenly introducing Cemetery Wind as the opposite. M.E.C.H will be a mercenary group specifically put together by Grammer and Silas to hunt down the Transformers to use their technology for profit, which also helps in keeping the group separated from the government, although Grammer's character would have his own ulterior motives.

Speaking of which, his role will remain mostly the same; a CIA operative who takes it upon himself to hunt the Transformers down using a para-military force. However, he won't be called Harold Attinger nor will he have the same motivation. There is nothing specifically wrong with that name, but I feel like there is a missed opportunity to show some respect the original series while updating it a little bit. Thus, instead of Harold Attinger, Kelsey Grammer will be playing the character of Lord Chumley.

Chumley was a character introduced in the original cartoon; he's a hunter who has an unhealthy obsession with tracking down and capturing Autobots. More specifically, he wants the head of Optimus Prime. For this rewrite, Chumley (whose first name will be Thurston in reference to the Rescue Bots character) will be a Vietnam veteran who has seen his fair share of conflict and bloodshed. Instead of suffering from some kind of trauma, however, he will have adopted an unhealthy mindset of preserving the greatest prey in his own personal collection; this would include the likes of ancient artefacts and the skins of now extinct animals. He can specifically put M.E.C.H together and hire Silas to lead them, because now he wants to hunt down Optimus as the greatest prize in his collection.

For the rest of the human cast, a large chunk of them will be completely cut from the story. T.J Miller's character, Lucas Flannery? Gone. I didn't find him funny and he ultimately proved to be pointless to the narrative; he dies and is forgotten about shortly after. We'll also say goodbye to Sophia Miles' character, Darcy Tyril, as she serves very little purpose other than to be the British lady associated with Stanley Tucci's character. We'll keep Li Bingbing's character, Su Yuemeng, and have her fill Darcy's role instead; it helps to trim the fat that way. But the main character I'm getting rid of is Shane Dyson, played by Jack Reynor.

Fuck this guy. Fuck ALL of this guy. He's cowardly, selfish, condescending, and virtually useless. The only reason that this character exists is solely to add more drama between Cade and Tessa, which was not needed as there was already friction between the father and daughter due to the former not allowing the latter to date so she can focus on her studies, as well as how he tries to use his inventions to make money instead of getting a job; this is more than enough. There are also a lot of negative connotations with Shane, as he is a 20 year old dating a 17 year old woman, which gets a lot of attention with how he is holding a fucking STATUTE of all things in his wallet that basically says "they can date because they did in high school", which is not how the statute actually works. Here's the actual statute if you want further info.

In short; fuck Shane, we don't need him.

Otherwise, we can still keep the core cast of Cade and Tessa Yeager, with Chumley and Silas as the villains, and G.B Blackrock as something of a deuteragonist while Su Yuemeng is his secretary/bodyguard. This heavily narrows the cast down while helping to keep the narrative focused. There can also be a line thrown in about what happened to Sam and Carly; they could be imprisoned, or Bumblebee could've left Sam for his own protection, or maybe Silas killed them when they refused to give up the whereabouts of the Autobots. Regardless of the reason, none of the original human characters will make an appearance in my rewrite. The less Shia LaBeouf we have in these films, the better off we will be.

2. The Autobots.

This where we getter bigger changes in the cast, with the most major alterations being with the Autobots themselves. I don't mind the idea of Optimus being found by Cade and Tessa, and the sub-plot of him distrusting humanity was a neat idea; the scene where Cade compares Optimus' spark to a human soul helps the audience like Cade, as he doesn't just instantly treat the Transformers as heartless war machines. The only real change I would make is that Optimus wouldn't say stuff like "I'll kill you" at the top of his lungs, and he wouldn't be as bloodthirsty as he is in the original version of the film; he'll just be more melancholic and uncertain about whether to keep his faith in humanity with all that he and his Autobots have sacrificed only for it to be thrown back in their faces. This is a much more tangible character arc for Optimus and gives us the chance to finally sympathise with the human characters instead of dreading them every time they appear on screen.

And starting with the rest of the Autobots; Bumblebee will be almost completely unaltered. He didn't have a lot to do in the movie anyways, so there isn't much to change; the only thing is that instead of a Camaro I'd have Bumblebee adopt a Volkswagen Beetle Dune alt mode.

It's still a modern yellow sports car, but it would help to make Bumblebee more recognisable as the character due to his origins of disguising himself as a Volkswagen car. Besides, we see the likes of Optimus, Hound, Ratchet and Drift change their alt modes or colours anyway, so it would make sense to change his appearance to better hide from human eyes. Also, he'll be able to talk in this one. I never liked the whole "speaking through the radio" gimmick in these movies, so we can just say that in between films Bumblebee's voice was fixed. He'll be voiced by Dylan O'Brien.

As for the rest of the Autobot cast, the changes will be moreso be in the line-up as we could really do with less Autobots who just turn into cars. The only things I'll be keeping from the original film is a few members of the voice cast.

First off, we have a personal favourite of mine; Warpath.

He'll more or less fill the same role as Hound did in the movie; the big, burly Autobot who loves a good brawl with the Decepticons. He'll even be voiced by John Goodman, same as Hound was. The main difference is that this personality is actually really fitting for Warpath, seeing as how that has always been his characterisation across the different Transformers media. I never really liked how Hound, the hologram-wielding explorer with a love for humanity, was turned into the gun-totting Ironhide surrogate in the movies. Thus, having Warpath instead of Hound fixes that issue while keeping the same idea for the character. He'll also have his traditional "BAM! POW! ZOWEE!" onomatopoeia speech that is a defining trait for the character. Besides, having an Autobot as a tank helps to give a little variety.

Next, in the original cast, there was the Autobot paratrooper Crosshairs, voiced by John DiMaggio doing a terrible Jason Statham impersonation. Unfortunately, we don't really get much from him. He's just another trigger-happy Autobot who doesn't like humans. Those are a dime-a-dozen in these films, so he doesn't really feel unique. So instead, let's get an Autobot who actually likes humanity and wants to see them prosper.

And with that, I've decided on a character called Beachcomber.

Beachcomber's deal is that he is a pacifistic geologist, always having issues with having to fight Decepticons in general. I choose him specifically, because it would make a good contrast with so many other Autobots in these films who are violent psychos with finger on the trigger. Beachcomber isn't a fighter nor does he harbour any hatred towards humans; in fact, Beachcomber in my version of the story can still hold faith that humanity do better than the other Autobots believe they can do. One of the Autobots could ridicule him for his idealism, but Beachcomber could then give a passionate speech about his belief which, in turn, could inspire Optimus to restore his faith again. Faith in people is another theme in the original film, and I really liked that idea so I'm carrying that over to my rewrite.

And as a personal aside, I would have him voiced by Steve Blum, because it's my rewrite and I can do whatever the Hell I want.

And finally we get to both the biggest and the smallest change to the Autobot cast in my version of the story. In the original version we have Drift, a triple-changing, sword-wielding Autobot who spouts haikus, calls Optimus Prime "sensei", is directly designed after a traditional Samurai, and is voiced by Ken Watanabe to really drive the Japanese stereotype home.

And while I was watching the film, the same question kept popping into my head; instead of Drift, why couldn't he be Springer?

And this is what I mean by this being the smallest and the biggest change, as Springer fills the same functional role as Drift; he's a triple-changing Autobot who mainly wields a sword. But instead of just being a stereotype of a Japanese person, Springer will be something of a thrill-seeking action hero. He's always rushing into battle with a cocky bravado and has a one-liner for virtually any situation. And since he shares so many similarities with the Star Wars character Han Solo, it's only appropriate that in my version of the story, he would be voiced by Harrison Ford.

Then of course, there is the biggest stars in terms of the marketing: 

3. The Dinobots.

Firstly, I wouldn't have them be prisoners aboard Lockdown's ship; it seems really stupid to me that a Transformer who is a fraction of the Dinobots size took down not just one, but ALL of them down pretty much singlehandedly. Secondly, they will have actual personalities and voices; Grimlock is the hot-headed leader who thrives in battle, Swoop is the good-natured spirit who likes having friends, Slug is a surly battle-freak who fights dirty, Snarl is the unsociable loner who generally leaves the thinking to the others, and Sludge is the mentally handicapped Dinobot who is extremely loyal to Grimlock. Thirdly, they wouldn't be an ancient order of knights who just happened to have beast modes that heavily resemble the dinosaurs.

Thus instead of that, since the original film has KSI creating drones based off of information garnered from Megatron's head, in this rewrite Blackrock Enterprises can be doing the same thing with Sentinel Prime's head as the main source, though some info will also be drawn from Starscream's. We'll come back to this later.

They can still be building drones for the military to fight against the Transformers if they ever pose a major threat, but they could also be focused on creating the drones to market towards the public to better the image of the Transformers. And their studies show that recently, the public has shown an increased interest in dinosaurs, so Blackrock sees this as an opportunity to create his own unique Transformers with alternate modes based on dinosaurs, hence the creation of five Dinobots as prototypes. This helps to give the Dinobots a proper backstory instead of a vague one we got in the film about them being knights, and also calls back to how the original Dinobots were created on Earth based on dinosaur fossils.

In one of the first scenes in the movie, we can see the Dinobots being demonstrated to investors by fighting off other drones that the company had created to show off their abilities. They can use newly developed energy cannons, they can have their own thermal swords that can cut through titanium, they can use flaming breath in their dinosaur modes; have fun with these guys and show off what they can do. This naturally has the investors excited, including Chumley who is here to see how Blackrock has done; Chumley can be revealed as the primary backer to the creation of the Dinobots, and we can have him share an exchange with Blackrock so that he can try using them to hunt down other Transformers in order to get more materials for Blackrock's research.

This is somewhat similar to the partnership between Attinger and Joyce in the original film, as well as the interactions between Chris Pratt and Vincent D'Onofrio in Jurassic World; only this time, Blackrock is more reluctant as the only Transformers left to hunt down are Autobots, who Blackrock knows were the good guys, hence why he's built the Dinobots and the other drones out of the remains of the Decepticons instead. Of course, Chumley wouldn't see that; as a soldier, he has a very "us or them" ideology. He dislikes all Transformers, and would rather have them all hunted down and displayed on his wall. Already we have some friction between the villain and deuteragonist, which also enforces the idea of trust and faith in those around you.

Getting back to the Dinobots, we can see them gaining some form of sentience throughout the film. Since they are still prototypes it's limited, hence why they talk in their traditional caveman manner of articulation. But through this, they gain the individual personalities that I brought up earlier. This can eventually lead to them breaking free from Blackrock, as they dislike any type of authority that they disagree with. The scientists have otherwise treated the Dinobots as brainless war machines, so it would make sense with how they would eventually escape and try to strike out on their own. As time goes on, the main threat of the film will show itself, which will force the Dinobots to team up with the Autobots so that they both can fight for their survival, eventually leading to the Dinobots begrudgingly joining the Autobots fully and seeing the value in protecting those weaker than them.

And I think that's where we'll cut it for now; I have an idea for who the villains are going to be (spoiler warning; it's not Galvatron), but I want to take more time in developing these ideas before I'm comfortable in writing them down.

But for now, I want to thank you guys for reading. If you enjoyed it, please be sure to leave a comment down below letting me know what you think. I'd also appreciate it if you share this on social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc), and make sure to follow me on Twitter; my handle is @MediaHood23. I post there at least a few times a week, and I regularly do polls for whenever I have writer's block. And if you feel generous, you can check out my YouTube page and consider subscribing to a virtually dead channel; that's "Media Hood Reviews" on YouTube.

But until next time; this is Callum Lewis, the Media Hood, signing off!

Transformers: Earthrise (2020)

 (SPOILER WARNING!!)

I want to pre-empt this review by saying that my thoughts on this show are still relatively raw; I had only just binged the entire series last night, so it's still fresh in my mind as I write this. It's very likely that whatever thoughts I have regarding the characterisation, voice-acting, writing and so forth could change over time.

But as of right now, with the series still fresh in my mind, I can say that "Transformers: Earthrise" is better than "Siege" in some aspects... while also being worse in others. This'll make sense in a moment, trust me.

Plot:

An indeterminate time has past since Optimus tossed the Allspark through the Space Bridge and left Cybertron aboard the Ark with a crew of Autobots. In that time, Elita-One has led the Cybertron bound Autobots, now with help from Jetfire, to continue the fight against the Decepticons, raiding prison camps in order to free any and all Cybertronians trapped there. Megatron, meanwhile, is forced to commit more desperate acts as he has thousands of Cybertronian citizens, including his own legion of Decepticons, siphoned of their Energon to fuel what he claims is Cybertron's Salvation; the Nemesis, a battle cruiser that he intends to use in finding Optimus for dooming the planet.

Speaking of, Optimus and his crew are found by a group of mercenaries, led by Double Dealer, who take Prime and his Autobots to meet the one supposedly responsible for freeing all Cybertronians from slavery; the Quintesson Judge, Deseeus. The Autobots escape and find a Space Bridge, which they believe can lead them to the Allsparks location so that they can come back to Cybertron in order to rectify Optimus' mistake.

Oh, and Scorponok and Sky Lynx are there too. If you think they're footnotes in this review, don't; they're footnotes in the show as well.

Pros:

Once again, I really have to credit the animation team for being able to bring the WfC (War for Cybertron) trilogy designs to life; the character movement is smooth and is astonishingly accurate to how the characters look in the toyline, kibble and all. I'm still not a fan of the whole "gritty battle damage" motif that the designs have, but I can't blame the show seeing as how that was a part of the toyline first. At the very least, the fluent animation allows the action scenes to be more entertaining and not rely too heavily on slow motion in an attempt to hide the limited budget.

"Earthrise" also continues with showcasing Megatron less of a megalomaniacal despot and more of a freedom fighter who was pushed to the breaking point via desperation, which I felt was done effectively well for this series. He still has the traditional character traits you expect out of Megatron, such as the arrogance and tendency for violence; but with how the series presents these traits, it's clear that he is doing so out of hatred and a desperation to survive in the worst case scenario. It's actually a very nuanced take on the old buckethead. His interactions with Elita-One, much like the ones he had with Ultra Magnus in "Siege", tell us a lot about who he is as a character, while also showing the equally valid viewpoint that Elita has regarding how the war has affected the planet.

Cons:

While I praise the series take on Megatron, a lot of the new takes on other characters I felt was a detriment. The main examples I can name are with Scorponok and Sky Lynx, who by pure coincidence are also the biggest figures from the toyline (both in size and price point). Scorponok is rewritten to just be a giant monster who attacks anything that infiltrates his ship, and Sky Lynx goes from a well-meaning narcissist to a power-hungry arsehole who tried to steal the Matrix from Alpha Trion before being banished to the Dead Universe. Given that these two are basically the mascots of the Earthrise portion of this trilogy, one would think they would have a bigger role. Instead, Scorponok shows up for a fight scene that goes on for far too long halfway through the show, and Sky Lynx has his entire personality stripped away and he just exists as another thing for the Autobots to deal with while they're stuck in the Dark Universe.

I also felt that Deseeus was kind of a superfluous addition to the series. Initially, the reveal of the Quintessons being the ones who enslaved the Transformers and Deseeus freeing them from that regime seems like a big deal. And first, it does come across as that. But immediately after, four of the faces are killed off and the remaining one just becomes the default generic bad guy who wants to... actually, what does Deseeus want? What do they gain from telling Optimus that they saved his race from enslavement? Why would the one face that cuts the other ones off want to kill the Cybertronian race? Hell, it seems like the Quintessons enslaving Cybertron is common knowledge as Optimus claims that Megatron's methods are no better than the five-faced robot squids, only for Megatron to deny and continue blaming Prime for Cybertron's slow demise. So, is the existence of Deseeus supposed to be a surprise or not? What does Deseeus add to the overall narrative? At least the sudden appearance of Galvatron in the Dead Universe creates some foreshadowing with the existence of Unicron; Deseeus adds nothing!

And much like with "Siege", the voice acting is really weak in this show. Most of the characters share the exact same gravelly growling voice that makes it hard to distinguish one from the other if you aren't paying attention. But even the ones who have a distinctive voice deliver their lines in such a flat, monotone manner that it makes it hard to believe that the actors are even trying with their line reads. The worst offender in this regard is Jake Foushee as Optimus Prime. Whenever he's just posturing and contemplating the situation at hand, the actor sounds like he's about to fall asleep while reading the lines. And yet, whenever he's trying to be angry, it constantly comes across as him just doing his best not to shit himself in the recording booth. I'm not trying to be harsh to the guy, and I'm sure that he was excited to voice the character. But his delivery of the lines leave a LOT to be desired, instead coming across as a little kid wearing an Optimus Prime voice changer helmet.

Conclusion:

As I said before, there aspects that "Earthrise" improved on in comparison to "Siege"; the dialogue is a bit tighter and less exposition heavy, the action is fun, and Megatron's characterisation continues to be really clever. But some of the other aspects aren't really fixed or improved upon; the voice acting is still wooden, the characterisation of most of the cast is very minimal, and there doesn't fell like there is much of in terms of actual stakes in things. Arriving on Earth? Searching for the Allspark? Creating the Nemesis? Basically just passes by with little impact while superfluous elements take up the runtime. I still won't say that "Earthrise" is an entirely terrible series, but it isn't much of a major improvement over it's predecessor. I'd only recommend to people if they're a Transformers show completionist like me, but not much else. Now there is only Kingdom left to go.

Overall rating: 6/10 (passable).

If you enjoyed reading my review, please be sure to share this on social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc) and leave a comment letting me know what you thought. Also feel free to leave a comment telling me what you thought of "Earthrise". Be sure to also follow me on Twitter; my handle is @MediaHood23. I've recently started rewatching "Beast Wars", so feel free to share the glorious memories with me as I go along.

But until next time; this is Callum Lewis, the Media Hood, signing off!

She-Ra and The Princesses Of Power Season 1 (2019)

 (SPOILER WARNING!!)

With the recent resurgence of 80's franchises still ingrained into current pop cultural ephemera, it should've been no surprise that eventually someone somewhere would get their hands on the "Masters Of The Universe" property. What was surprising, however, was that they decided to forego re-imagining He-Man and instead went for his opposite gender counterpart/twin sister; She-Ra.

One thing I want to get out of the way; I am not all that familiar with the "Masters Of The Universe". I know who He-Man is and I have the general idea of what the stories usually entail. But in regards to larger details such as lore or the large cast of characters, I'm basically a newbie. I might eventually check out the original show, but I still have a lot of other stuff to get through first. At least I can say that the Netflix "anime" (it really isn't) reboot for She-Ra, appropriately named "She-Ra and The Princesses Of Power", got me interested enough to even consider checking it out.

Plot:

The story takes place on Etheria, a planet trapped in the pocket dimension of Despondos. The planet itself is caught in the midst of civil war, waged between the Rebellion lead by Queen Angella of Brightmoon and the Horde, with their leader being the elusive Hordak. One of the Horde's trainees, Adora, finds herself seeing visions of a sword that rests in the middle of the Whispering Woods, thus convinces her best friend Catra to cover for her while she tries to find it. She, however, ends up accosted by Glimmer, the princess of Brightmoon, and her best friend Bow, an archer and self-taught tech master, who tell her that the Horde has caused nothing but chaos and destruction since their arrival. Upon learning of the lies that the Horde has told her regarding their cause, Adora takes the sword and joins with the Rebellion, using the sword to become the legendary warrior known as She-Ra. This, as a consequence, leaves Catra feeling betrayed by her friend, turning the pair into bitter rivals as Catra's feelings of abandonment twists her ideology to make Adora regret ever leaving her behind; especially in the hands of their abusive mentor, Shadow Weaver.

Pros:

I absolutely love this cast of characters. Each of them are distinct and unique from each other, having really funny interactions while still showcasing their own struggles. I came out of this liking Sea Hawk, Mermista and Swift Wind the most; Sea Hawk had that lovable boisterous energy expected from a sea-faring adventurer, Mermista's general "don't give a fuck" attitude was hilarious, and Swift Wind being a narcissistic, smartarse flying horse was a major highlight to off-set Adora's selfless attitude.

But by far my favourite character was easily Entrapta.

This character was such a breath of fresh air, as she is basically a twist on the "mad scientist" archetype. She has an obsession with ANYTHING tech related, but never does any of her experiments out of malice or to hurt anyone; it's simply for the sake of curiosity and scientific discovery. She can be a bit aloof or oblivious at times, but that's primarily because she is written as representation of someone on the autism spectrum. And speaking as someone with autism, I can really appreciate that they don't just simply make her an all-knowing savant of information; she has weird fixations (such as only eating tiny foods and fizzy drinks) and isn't very good at social interactions, both of which are also common with those on the spectrum.

Besides, she's also fucking hilarious!

In this house, we stan Entrapta.

But of course, the heroes are only ever as good as their villains. And thankfully, this show delivers on that as well.

Catra made for a great foil for Adora, primarily because of how the show established their friendship very early on. We see not only her descent into pure anger and the lengths she'll go to in order to beat Adora, but also her cunning and intellect which sells her as a credible threat. The dance between her and Adora in "Princess Prom" highlights the source of their main conflict; Catra showcasing her guile and her bitterness, while Adora shows he resolve and determination to keep fighting. And at the heart of it all, you remember how these two treated each other at the start; as the best of friends who swore to always stand side by side. Thus, it creates a cycle of tragedy when you fully understand why Catra goes to such extremes to prove herself.

Shadow Weaver, formally known as Light Spinner, has to be one of the most detestable bitches I have ever come across in animation. And unlike other shows I dislike where their unintentional unlikability is played for laughs, Shadow Weaver's despicable attitude was recognised as damaging to people. She's manipulative, cruel, callous, selfish, and worst of all, abusive towards her disciples, especially Catra. Thus, during the finale, it is extremely cathartic to see her lose all of her power when Catra kicks her ass and has Shadow Weaver locked away in a cell. If anything, what Catra did to her was too merciful in comparison to what Shadow Weaver had put her through for years.

Scorpia might actually tie with Entrapta as my favourite character, namely because she isn't really a villain like the rest of the Horde. While Catra wants beat Adora and prove she is stronger, and Shadow Weaver is manipulating things so that she stays in a position of power, all Scorpia wants to do is make friends in the Horde. That's it. She just loves making people like Catra happy and stays cheery and optimistic even in the most dire of situations. She kind of reminds me of Kronk from "Emperor's New Groove", in a way; a big, burly doofus with endless charm and charisma. She may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'll be damned if she isn't really funny.

The animation and action scenes are amazing. It's bright, colourful and bursting with a lot of energy. This is helped by how each character has a unique and fun fighting style. Mermista can control water and fuse her legs together to form a mermaid tail; Perfuma can manipulate plant life; Glimmer teleports; Frosta has ice powers; Bow has his trick arrows; Adora uses She-Ra; Entrapta has hair that can move on its own; I just love the wide variety that these characters have, as it gives the action scenes much more appeal. And because time had been spent in getting to know these people, we thus care when something terrible happens; in an episode where the princesses infiltrate the Fright Zone for a rescue mission, Entrapta is believed by the princesses to have been killed. It's shown later that she's fine, but for a moment I actually felt bad that my favourite character was seemingly killed off after a short amount of time.

Cons:

In all honesty, I never really cared about Hordak in this show. And before anyone starts saying anything about how the character changed over the course of the series, let me get this out of the way; I know. I am fully aware of how Hordak's character evolved over the course of the show. But I am not analysing Hordak from the perspective of the entire series; I am looking at his character strictly from how he is portrayed in the first season. And in the first season, Hordak is not the most interesting of villains. For much of it, he spends his time in his inner sanctum performing experiments (eventually recruiting Entrapta to help) while everyone else in the Horde is actually waging the war. Again, this is solely what we see of him in the first season; he does become more active in other seasons, especially in regards to his interactions with Entrapta. But as is, Hordak was one of the weaker elements in this season for me with how he was just kind of generic in his characterisation.

And speaking of weaker elements;

I don't actively dislike Frosta or Perfuma, but I personally felt they had the weakest characterisation out of the princesses. Initially, Frosta seemed to be a more serious character who doesn't tolerate disrespect, which could've made for funny interactions with more energetic characters like Sea Hawk or Bow. But as soon as we see her join the alliance, she's suddenly acting just like a loud kid who loves beating up Horde soldiers. It's kind of implied that she's enjoying her newfound freedom due to being brought up as a stoned faced princess, but this is otherwise kind of brought up out of nowhere to force a sibling dynamic between her and Glimmer. As for Perfuma, she did kind of have a bit of the stereotypical "airhead blonde" persona at first before using her botanokinesis to fight back against the Horde and join the Princess Alliance. She wasn't overly annoying or anything, but I just felt that her characterisation wasn't as well developed as the others. Again, this is simply from the perspective of the first season; they do get better in the rest of the show.

And while I can praise the characterisation for a good chunk of the cast and I really enjoyed the action and music, there wasn't really much in terms of world-building. The Best Friend Squad (meaning Adora, Glimmer, and Bow) visit a bunch of different places like the labyrinthian Crypto Castle in Dryl (Entrapta's home) and the massive ocean kingdom of Salineas (Mermista's home), but we don't really get much in terms of Etherian lore or backstory for the different kingdoms on Etheria. Scorpia is revealed to be a princess who joined the Horde after her kingdom was given to Hordak to create the Fright Zone, but we don't get any real explanation about her backstory or why her Runestone, the Black Garnet, was given to over to the Horde in the first place. I think it was implied that either it was stolen or Scorpia's people just really liked Hordak. But either way, it is very minimal in regards to actually giving organic lore and history to Etheria. The most we really get as concrete details is with Entrapta studying the technology of the First Ones, the first inhabitants to make settlement on Etheria, but that's more of a plot device as opposed to building a major history for the planet. I'm not asking for a three hour history lesson about Etherian politics, but a little bit of backstory for some of these kingdoms would really help give the setting more life and flavour.

Conclusion:

Lack of world-building aside, the few issues I have with this show are little nit-picks. I really enjoyed watching these characters on their adventures and the emotional tension between Adora and Catra is what carried a lot of the season for me, which is executed excellently through the performances from Aimee Carrero as Adora and AJ Michalka as Catra. Bring this together with great music, animation and voice acting from the rest of the cast, and you have an entertaining and solid first season.

Overall rating: 8 out of 10 (excellent).

I would like to thank everyone who took a part in the voting poll for this review. If anyone else reading would like to partake in other polls for what to review next or just to follow me on Twitter, then my handle is @MediaHood23; I post tweets every couple of days or so. Feel free to leave a comment telling me what you thought of "She-Ra and The Princesses Of Power", and be sure to share this on social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc) to anyone else who may have watched the series. Any form of support would be greatly appreciated.

But until next time; this is Callum Lewis, the Media Hood, signing off!

Kamen Rider Amazons Season 1 (2016)

 (SPOILER WARNING!!)

I have made it clear in the past that I held a distain towards "Kamen Rider Ghost", even going as far as to declare it the worst Kamen Rider season I had seen thus far. I will freely admit that my stance on it being the worst was unfair; I was still relatively new to the franchise and had yet to really get into the likes of "Agito" and "Ryuki", both of which I consider much more infuriating than "Ghost". I still don't like the series at the end of the day, but I will primarily pin it's failing's on the part of the producers playing havoc with it's progression; focusing more on promoting the toys instead of allowing Takuro Fukuda, the former head writer, to create something good that audiences can enjoy.

Why am I bring up "Ghost" for this review, you may ask?

Because Shinichiro Shirakura had the funds from both "Ghost" and "Doubutsu Sentai Zyuohger", the Sentai series of that year, cut in half; transferring the money that he had basically stolen to fund his own vanity project. That project eventually became "Kamen Rider Amazons", a quasi-reboot to "Kamen Rider Amazon" that was produced in conjunction with Amazon Prime.

Shirakura even boasted about how this show was basically his creation, claiming that Heisei Kamen Rider was not "interesting" and he hoped that "the toothless Kamen Riders can get their fangs back".

In other words, the arsehole had ignored any and all sophistication and nuance that the previous six Rider series (W/Double-Drive) has had and wanted something that was full of violence, gore, swearing and full on cannibalism. If I were to equate "Amazons" to something else more mainstream, then it's more akin to literally anything that Mark Millar has ever written; being dark, edgy and gritty, but in a way that's too stupid and pretentious to be taken seriously.

Plot:

In a world constantly clouded by an ugly green colour filter, the Nozama Pharmacy, owned by Reika Mizusawa, had accidently created a race of cannibalistic monsters called Amazons. A group of mercenaries, one of them being a tame Mole Amazon named Mamoru, are brought together to hunt the Amazons down for the sake of a paycheck. Matters are made complicated, however, when a former scientist named Jin Takayama enters the picture on his own mission to exterminate the Amazons, fighting as Amazon Alpha. And if that wasn't enough, Reika's son Haruka gets involved after learning that he is also an Amazon, becoming Amazon Omega and being put on the extermination team because of nepotism via Reika.

Pros:

Before I tear this show a new one, I can give it this; the theme song, "Armour Zone" by Taro Kobayashi, is an absolute banger. It has a good pace, and does a great job capturing the themes of the show through it's lyrics. That's honestly the most I can say about the song, as I'm not really good at analysing music.

I also really like Amazon Alphas design; it's a really good update to the original outfit while still retaining the necessary elements that make it recognisable as Amazon. And surprisingly enough, the colours don't really bother me that much. Silver, red, black and green actually made for a really good contrast.

There was also some decent foreshadowing to the ultimate endgame to this season. Essentially, Nozama Pharmacy's plan, Project: Tlaloc, is to use a gas that can kill Amazons quickly and mix it with a rainstorm to get as many of them as possible. The gas was used in an earlier episode when the extermination team get trapped in an apartment block full of Amazons, and the very first episode starts in the middle of a rainstorm, tying back to Tlaloc as the Aztec God of rain. Legitimate kudos there.

As for anything else I enjoyed... yeah, that's it.

Cons:

I don't like Omegas suit. Like Alpha, the suit still has some of the elements of the original Amazon, but it feels more like a costume than the original did. I think it's the materials that make it look like a chunk of plastic that's yearning to be a toy. On top of that, giving any suit resembling Amazon a facemask when the main motif is supposed to be a piranha fish feels kind of sacrilegious. So yeah, not a fan.

But honestly, I probably wouldn't have as much of a problem with Omegas suit, or even a majority of the suits, were it not for the stupid fucking green filter that plagues the entire show. This is something I have never understood about "dark and gritty" reboots; what is their obsession with making it as visually unappealing as possible by putting on a dingy screen filter that sucks out all the colour like a black hole? Even in scenes that take place during broad daylight on a scenic beach, it looks like a massive dark cloud is overcasting the entire area in darkness, thus casting every shot in shadows and thus making it hard to see. I hate it whenever I feel like I need to turn up the brightness on my screen just so I can see what the fuck is even happening!

It doesn't help that the soundtrack, outside of the main theme, is just pretentious trash. If it's not generic action rock, there'll be a sudden burst of acapella yodelling to make the scene more serious. It fails, however, as it is constantly overused and does not fit the scene where they are used. I don't normally mind acapella music so long as it serves a purpose and helps the viewer become more engaged with a scene. But when the same acapella track is used over and over again in scenes where it isn't needed, it becomes less of an interesting means of creating a tone and more of an obnoxious gimmick that takes itself far too seriously for the audience to become invested. It's pretentious and artsy just for it's own sake.

I found it exceedingly difficult to give a single shit about any of the characters. Starting with Haruka, he should the most interesting by default as the main character; he's an Amazon injected with human DNA who is trying to discover what he is fighting for. And yet, with each episode he keeps acting like a ball in Pong; he bounces back and forth between his ideals and believes with no prompting or consistency, not helped by the fact that he can act like a blatant dumbarse at points. As an example, there is an episode where an Amazon disguised as a chef kills civilians and cooks them for other Amazons, which should allow them to hold back their savage hunger for normal humans. Haruka, for some inexplicable reason, sympathises with the cannibals and says that Amazons deserve a chance to live in peace, blatantly ignoring how the Amazons are still willingly killing people just to keep themselves fed. And when your main character is being a belligerent imbecile, you thus can't relate with them as their actions suddenly become less sensible. The most positive thing I can say about Haruka is that he can definitely yell "AMAZON" like he's turning into a savage beast.

As for the rest of the characters; Jin was a major hypocrite with how he'll kill mindless monsters like Amazons for feasting on humans, but wouldn't so much as attack a serial killer purely because they were human. Any moral high ground he may have is instantly lost, especially when he finishes the series feasting on an Amazon heart instead of a raw egg. Mamoru was annoying a lot of the time, with how he would either yell happily at the top of his voice or cry like an infant at the smallest thing. Reika was not endearing with how she basically used her son as a selling point to keep her place as director of the Nozama Pharmacy, though this proves to pointless with how it's apparently up and gone in the next season. I can summarise most of the extermination team as just... people. Unfortunately, they are not very interesting people. A couple of them die at one point, and I could barely notice any real difference. And finally, Reika's daughter Mizuki is... um... she just is. She just exists and does nothing else significant that I could name.

The action scenes, despite a clear emphasis on hand to hand martial arts combat, is shoddily directed and choreographed, with the editing and screen filter making it difficult to follow what is even happening for most of the fights. As I have brought up in other reviews, I can normally follow action scenes with fast pacing so long as it's directed well. The action in this show, however, is not directed well. In fact, I can pretty much say that for the entire series. There are a lot of bizarre camera tricks that exist for no other reason than to look artsy, and combined with the editing and colour filter makes it an ugly show to watch. I honestly have a hard time distinguishing one action scene from another because of the how much I don't like looking at this show.

Conclusion:

For the bragging that Shirakura made about giving Kamen Rider its fangs back, there is very little in terms of actually maturity. Sure, there is a violence and blood and all that shit, but in terms of sophisticated storytelling? There's zilch. Nada. Zero. Much of the cast ended up as either forgettable or unlikeable, the action is incoherent, the world-building is lacking, and the story is a mess. I can't even say it's funny in how bad it is; it's boring. And yet at the same time, it's infuriating with how THIS is the series that "Ghost" and "Zyuohger" suffered for. "Amazons" is a pretentious, ugly mess lacking in any form of creativity or entertainment. If you enjoyed it, good for you. But I doubt I would recommend it unless you were a masochist.

And yet, Season 2 is apparently worse.

Overall rating: 2/10 (It's trash).

If you enjoyed this review, please let me know in a comment. Feel free to also post your thoughts on this series in a comment if you so wish. I'd also appreciate it if you not only shared this on social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc), but if you follow me on Twitter; my handle is @MediaHood23. I post there every few days or so and I also make polls for what I should review next if I have writer's block.

But until next time; this is Callum Lewis, the Media Hood, signing off!

Changing Cobra's Rise

 (SPOILER WARNING!!)

I think it's fair to say that "The Rise Of Cobra" wasn't that great. I mean, it was fine, but it wasn't really all that it was cracked up to be. That's not to say there wasn't anything of merit; the action was fun and the actors were clearly having a blast playing the characters. The story, however, was a mess, the CG was pretty tacky, and the characters beyond the core cast of Duke, Baroness and Destro had little if any personality. Given what the initial leaked script apparently entailed, we do know that it could've been a lot worse. But it doesn't change the fact that the final product is mediocre at best.

And frankly, one of the elements that easily could've been remedied revolves around the main twist near the end concerning a character called Rexford Lewis.

For those who haven't seen the movie, Rex (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) was a soldier and friend of Duke who was seemingly killed in a premature missile strike called in by Duke. He survived, however, and was taken under Dr Mindbender to perfect the Nanomites, micro-scopic robots that could eat away at any material when activated. This machines were eventually taken to James McCullen and Rex, under the name of "The Doctor", went to work for him to create super-soldiers as a part of McCullen's plan of world domination. When the Joes attacked the base, however, McCullen was scarred and Rex injected him with Nanomites that gave him his signature metal face and renamed him Destro, while Rex decides to take over Destro's company, M.A.R.S (Military Armaments Research Syndicate), and rename it Cobra; taking up the mantle of Cobra Commander.

And honestly, I don't understand why he'd want to become Commander. Firstly, there was never any indication that Rex desired power over M.A.R.S . For all we knew, he just wanted revenge on Duke for seemingly leaving him to die. Otherwise, we never know that Rex wants to take command of Cobra or even desires to be higher in the chain of command.

Secondly, Rex just changing M.A.R.S in to Cobra feels a bit cheap. Yes, both organisations were always connected with each other, but that was primarily because M.A.R.S was providing funds, tech and weapons for Cobra. Destro was still the man in charge of the company while he answered only to Cobra Commander purely out of a matter of convenience. Thus, having Rex just basically rename M.A.R.S into Cobra without any seeming change lessens Cobra's overall threat and importance by the end of the film.

Thirdly, Rex becoming Cobra Commander right at the end of the film is ultimately pointless as he doesn't really do anything when he is in power. Not even two minutes after he takes over, he and Destro are immediately captured by the Joes and put in a high tech prison. Thus, any and all threat that Rex would pose as Cobra Commander is instantly undermined, especially as there is no indication that he has been setting up Cobra in secret before taking over. The closest we get are those Cobra logos on the necks of people that he had injected Nanomites into, but that isn't really enough to explain how Cobra just suddenly exists.

In short, Rex should not have been Cobra Commander. He should, instead, have been an entirely different character who acted as a double agent between M.A.R.S and an already existing Cobra, answering solely to Cobra Commander. Rexford Lewis should've actually been another member in Cobra's inner circle of command named Brian Binder; a.k.a, Dr Mindbender.

And before anyone says anything, let me get this out of the way; yes, I had said earlier that Rex had worked with Mindbender in the film to perfect the Nanomite technology, and it was also shown in the film that Mindbender had worked for Destro to create the warheads that he would launch to three different cities. So how could Rex be Mindbender if he already exists in the narrative?

Allow me to answer that by saying that this is the first change; film Mindbender will instead be another Cobra scientist named Dr Archibald "Venom" Monev.

He's a relatively minor character in the franchise, but he is best remembered as being Cobra's first head scientist in the original Marvel comics, with Mindbender succeeding Monev after the latter was killed. That'll more or less be how the relationship between Monev and Mindbender will work in this film; Brian (or Mindbender, whichever you prefer) will learn about Nanomite technology from Monev, and after Monev dies Mindbender will take the tech to McCullen to advance Cobra's scheme. Besides, Monev's entire deal is about controlling people's mind and biologically altering them; it wouldn't be out of the question that Mindbender would take inspiration from that with how he creates the Neo-Vipers and had planted mind-control devices in them and Baroness.

Which brings me to the second change; Monev was not making the Nanomites for McCullen, but instead for an as-of-yet unseen Cobra Commander, who will simply be referred to as "the Commander" as to build up Cobra's eventual reveal. This more or less helps to erase the idea of the Commander renaming M.A.R.S into Cobra, with the latter still being it's own organisation that is simply using the former to continue it's scheme from the shadows; there'll still be hints to Cobra's existence throughout the film (the Neo-Vipers, the use of Cobra's logos for certain things, major players like Destro and Zartan, etc), but they'll be the twist reveal villains that actually make sense.

Then there is change number three; Mindbender and Destro are able to escape before Duke can apprehend them. I honestly feel that having Rex and Destro caught at the end of the film kind of takes away there overall menace as the main antagonists, especially come "Retaliation" when Rex just up and leaves Destro to die in an unceremonious fashion while spending most of the film taking a backseat to Zartan imitating the President. Thus, having Mindbender and Destro escaping the Joes' clutches at the end not only allows an opportunity for them to prove themselves as cunning villains, but also finally has three of Cobra's inner circle available for the next film; with Commander leading the main forces, Destro providing the weapons and tech, and Mindbender continuing his experiments to create more effective soldiers like he does in film.

This is what will lead to change number four; I have written an exchange between Mindbender, Destro and Cobra Commander that will take place at the same time as Rex and Destro are on the sub. At this point, McCullen has been injected with the Nanomites that save his life, but instead of Rex putting on the helmet to become Cobra Commander, Mindbender is preparing to communicate with the Commander via a hardlight hologram. This will more or less how the exchange would go;

D: I've finally taken my place in the long line of McCullens.

M: James McCullen is no more. Now, you are Destro.

D: What have you done to me?!

M: What I have done, Destro, is save your life. Without me, he would not have any use of you. You'll thank me, later.

D: Don't call me that, you lunatic! What is going on?! Why have you made me like this?! And "He"?! Who's "He"?! What the devil are you talking about?!

M: I believe it would be best if I let him explain.

A hologram appears, revealing Cobra Commander. For the sake of saving a lengthy description of his appearance, I'll just give him his appearance from "Retaliation".

It's a good modern update to the design while still having the essential elements to make him recognisable as Cobra Commander, with the only real change I'd make to it being that he would be blue instead of black. And lord knows it's a lot better than this:

Say what you will about the film, but this was a stupid design no matter who the person wearing it was supposed to be.

Also, for this scene, imagine that Cobra Commander is voiced by Charlie Adler. But back to the exchange:

CC: I see you've finally made your move, Doctor Mindbender.

M: All according to your vision, sir.

CC: Good. Bring him to me. Major Bludd will have you both outfitted for the rest of "Operation: Zeus".

D: What is going on here?! Who are you, and what have you done to me?!

CC: All of your questions will be answered in time, Destro. But to give you the simple version; you and your company now answer to me.

D: My name is not Destro! I am James McCullen, and I answer to--

Cobra Commander uses the control device to stop Destro in his tracks.

CC: Don't you dare question my commands, you impudent fool!

Destro eventually relents and Cobra Commander stops torturing him.

CC: The two of us have much to discuss regarding the chain of authority, Destro. For I... am your Commander. And you belong to Cobra, now.

M: This will be quite the experiment, Commander.

CC: Indeed, Doctor. Indeed.

With that, Mindbender and Destro escape and the rest of the film plays out as normal; Duke and Ripcord join G.I Joe, Baroness is imprisoned to have the Nanomites taken out of her head, and Zartan is now posing as the President of the United States as part of Cobra's plan to, you guessed it, take over the world.

And thus, there we have it; simply changing Rexford Lewis into Dr Mindbender not only gets rid of that stupid ending where Rex takes over for no adequately justified reason, but we also have an ending that can actually lead into a sequel more naturally instead of bookending things without proper resolution.

Also, before people ask about Brian Binder being related to Ana Lewis (Baroness); they still are, but they won't be brother and sister. Brian can just be a distant cousin who ended up having a good relationship with Ana before the events of the film turned him into Mindbender.

Honestly, I feel like that was the intention that the film was initially going for; having Rex become Mindbender and answering to Cobra Commander as a double agent. But instead, we get this half-assed ending where he suddenly becomes the Commander, almost like an early idea was left in one of the films rewrites and revisions but no-one bothered to check if it made sense. When you get down to it, Rex certainly has more in common with Mindbender than he does with the Commander. The pair of them are mad scientists who spend much of their time creating new weapons for a terrorist faction while never actively partaking in the main battle.

Even the design between pre-Commander Rex and classic Mindbender are pretty similar if you put them side-by-side.

I can't be the only one who sees it, right?

If they had gone this route with Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character instead of what we eventually got, I feel like "Rise of Cobra" could've been a stronger film as a whole. Not a great film by any means, but one that still ultimately understands G.I Joe and how Cobra works as a terrorist organisation. And all it would've took was changing Rexford Lewis into Brian Binder, thus erasing the "dead brother" sub-plot from the film and erasing the unintentional subtext that Cobra Commander is literally doing all of this purely out of spite to someone who thought he died.

But that's just my two cents.

If you guys enjoyed this rewrite, please let me know with a comment. Feel free to even comment your own thoughts regarding the movie and how YOU would've improved it if you so desired. I'd also appreciate not only sharing this on social media (Twitter, Facebook, etc), but also if you follow me on Twitter; my handle is @MediaHood23. I post there semi-regularly (basically every couple of days) and I am recently delving into the rabbit hole of Kamen Rider Amazons, so feel free to join me on my descent into madness.

But until next time; this is Callum Lewis, the Media Hood, signing off!